Dealing with Sleep Dread

You know the feeling, don’t you? You’re laying down to bed after several nights (weeks, even) of insomnia, and you just dread what lies ahead of you. You just know that you’ll be tossing and turning, staring at the clock, worrying about what your lack of sleep will mean for the next day. “I won’t be able to function! My boss will be able to tell and ream me out! I can’t take this anymore!” you think to yourself. Before you know it your stress about falling asleep has gotten the best of you, and you know there’s no way you’ll be able to fall asleep now. Worst part–this is a vicious cycle, and it keeps happening despite all your best efforts to “quiet your mind” and stop thinking about sleep!

This is tough, I know, I’ve been there too. Good news is, if you follow some basic principles, you can break this cycle. Here are some basic principles to follow to address sleep dread:

1) Set your bedtime for a time you know you’re most likely to be sleepy, and not a minute earlier. If you’re not sure when that is, stay up one night on a weekend and just see when your body naturally starts to feel sleepy, heavy, as if sleep is about to overtake you. Then try to set this as your bedtime moving forward.

2) Just get out of bed. Stay with me here for a minute. All that time you’re spending tossing and turning in bed anxious about your lack of sleep means your brain unconsciously begins to associate your bed with the sleep anxiety. This is not good! Instead, if you’re anxious or wired, just take your anxious wired mind and body elsewhere so you don’t contaminate your bed with all that anxious ju ju. Trust me, your mind will thank you for it.

3) Go and do something chill and don’t return to bed until you feel sleepy again. What’s chill, you ask? Read a boring book (a small table lamp is fine; avoid looking at screens or turning on overhead lights), knit or crochet, color or doodle, do some light stretching, sort your laundry. Anything that doesn’t stimulate your mind or body too much. Then, once you feel sleepy, take yourself back to bed and see if sleep will come. (Remember: you cannot try to sleep. Sleep will either happen or it won’t.)

4) Pay attention to how you’re talking to yourself. If you’re saying things to yourself like, “this is awful; there’s no way I can do this; I absolutely have to sleep or I won’t function” then you’re just going to increase your anxiety and make it harder to sleep. Instead, tell yourself, “OK, this is hard, but I will survive it; a bad night of sleep isn’t going to kill me; my sleep drive will reboot tomorrow and if I don’t sleep well tonight, I will sleep better tomorrow night.” This self-talk can help to reduce your anxiety and help you become more zen about whether sleep happens or it doesn’t.

5) Most people have heard of or tried sleep hygiene, and it’s important to know that sleep hygiene on its own will not fix a more persistent sleep issue. However, it doesn’t hurt and these behaviors all together can be sleep-promoting. Here’s a good article covering the basics of sleep hygiene.

6) Stick to a routine. Go to bed at the same time, get up at the same time. Every day, even weekends if possible. This will help to strengthen your circadian rhythm and build up your sleep pressure for the following night. We are creatures of habit, and this can really help!

7) If you’ve tried everything and you are just too revved up, unable to fall asleep, try this next tip, called paradoxical intention. It’s simple: just try to stay awake. Do something chill outside of the bedroom (see #3 above), and tell yourself, “I’m going to force myself to stay awake.” Many times this can reduce the pressure you put on yourself to sleep, and by trying to stay awake you may paradoxically begin to feel sleepy. When sleepiness hits, head to bed and see if sleep happens.

Still feel at your wit’s end about your sleep? No fear, help is available! Reach out to me today and we can schedule a free, 15-minute phone call to tell you more about an amazing treatment that can reboot your sleep in as few as 6-8 sessions!